One of the things I shared in a previous post… was how I never had an “Older Sister.” And… myself being the oldest… as I was growing up, I always wished I had an “older sister.” So since I didn’t, I decided to “become” my own older sister.
Lately… I have been thinking about adding another member to the family. I actually DO have a daughter. She’s thirty-eight. But, I never see her. Well, almost never. And when I do… it is only because I “push” the issue… if that makes sense.
One of the “empty’nesses” in my life right now… is not having anyone to spoil. I think some of the happy’est times in my life were ones where I had both someone to love, and was able to spoil them.
An additional thought along parallel lines… is something that some therapists occasionally suggest… when the person they are counseling is somehow unable to “take care of themselves.”
Now… I don’t mean that they don’t REALLY take care of themselves… perhaps a better way to put it would be that they have lost the ability to actually “care” for themselves.
Once in a while when this happens, the therapist makes the suggestion to go out and buy… or better yet… “adopt” a doll… a “baby”… a “smaller helpless self…” to take care of… and while doing it… learn to “take care of themselves…” learn to “love” themselves. Somehow, some way… I have lost the ability, or just the habit… of really, truly loving myself.
So… searching I went. I have been looking for quite a while. Where could I find a “baby girl doll” to invest myself in… to see, and to hold, as if I am actually seeing and holding myself? Obviously, just any old baby girl doll would not do. And then… I stumbled upon…
… this beautiful precious baby girl. It is incredible what you can find on the “Interweb” if you look long enough.
I know. Right about now you are probably thinking that I need to be fitted for one of those “white jackets” with the arms that tie behind me, and be given a new place to say… one that’s about ten by ten… with padded walls.
But… I don’t know. Is it really all that crazy of an idea ? Or could it be just a “unique” way for me to visualize, or perhaps “actualize” an infant who can be both my own younger sister, and my own infant self. Someone to take care of… someone to spoil.
So… how silly is it ? Am I too old to have a baby ? In some ways, most assuredly so, but perhaps in another, very unique way… maybe it isn’t so strange after all. I already have the rocking chair. Not quite sure about the breast-feeding part yet. That may take a bit more “doing.”